How Much Help Do You Need?
subtle thoughts on right time, right place.
Happy Wednesday everyone! Here’s a little piece that’s been on my mind recently. Have you ever read a “self-help” type of book? How was it? Did it help? If not, have you read or watched anything that has resonated with you lately? I would love to hear from you all as I am getting back into the writing. :) Be sure to subscribe to the email list and give it a share if you like it. Thanks for reading as always! <3
I often turn to books, for help. Help is a vague way of defining, my want to feel and learn new things, to have some say in my life guidance. They have always been a constant for me, at my best and very much at my worst. Despite this, I’ve always struggled with the idea of self-help books. Something about them always seemed just a little off. When I would overhear people sharing about certain books, it made me think of when Rachel read “Be Your Own Windkeeper” in Friends.
This general misunderstanding might be due to the lack of trust I can have in people themselves, which we don’t have time to unpack right now :). But I failed to notice the self-assessment it takes to really gain something from a self-help intended book. Thinking to myself, how does one truly address their own impact on their relationships? Is it a true way to measure self-growth? I consider healing and self-growth to be a very necessary yet grueling process, I was confused at the way someone could experience this dreadful act for only 300 pages.
Recently, I have realized the reason. Why, I was viewing a certain type of book so negatively despite hearing such great things about the positive impacts they have had on individuals and sometimes entire communities? I think this disbelief stemmed from the poor word-of-mouth suggestions and my own absence of trust. With this revelation, I can see more clearly the missing point. The right time, right place type of point.
There have been quite a few books, that I have found myself, in the wrong time, wrong place with. This happened with the book “Attached ”. I actually tried to read the book sometime last year and although it was interesting, it wasn’t the right time, at all. Recently this book came up during a walk I did with some friends. It outlines four different attachment styles that people can fit themselves into. Think of it loosely a bit like Astrology signs and tendencies. My friends and I took playful jabs at each other saying you’re so this and so not that.
It was a joy of the what if, the playfulness of acknowledging how well we knew each other, the ease of being right or wrong. Afterward, we all decided to take separate quizzes and we got the results we all had assumed of each other. The way we guessed each other correctly adds something to my amusement also. If the book would’ve sparked anything close to the conversation I had with friends, I would speak so highly of it and probably recommend it to anyone and everyone. That's not to say the book won't find me at some major and helpful point in my life, but for now, that quiz offered me more than enough.
My negative thought process has overall been strongly influenced by the amount of these types of books that are offered, with over 45,000 being published just in 2020. How do you know the good, bad, and what you could consider as time wasters? Reviews are one way but something about them isn’t intimate enough. How do I know if Mary W. from Nebraska, has the same thought process as me or if I will get the same cause and effect that her review raves about? As Whitney said, HOW WILL I KNOW?! The sifting to find one that resonates has become more gruesome* (overwhelming) than I’m able to see past. So I’ve turned to more word-of-mouth suggestions, but soon realized I was not always in a place to hear them along with maybe even, not even being the biggest fan of the people suggesting them.
But I am now getting to be mature enough to see past these dislikes and take a suggestion with a mouth full of salt. Call me grown and sexy. A realization that a self-help book can be defined by the beholder. There have been many books not written by scientists, psychiatrists, or psychologists that have impacted me for the better. I think this new perspective has opened my eyes to the idea of exploring full-throttle “self-help” books as well.
Most of my algorithms have even caught on to this consumption and continue to feed and fuel me. And if anything, it continues to show and highlight the complexities and vast reality of seeking help. It's always more than a book. In the same way, it's always more than therapy, or a conversation. This sums up how I feel after reading anything that resonates. The way you can carry the words with you, like a second skin, a lifeline. Maybe in a way, I have been taking it too seriously, as I often can do. Pushing my own goals and convoluting my overall perceptions. My perspective fills a glass to the brim and I’m left wondering why there’s no room for ice.
This self-defined growth happened as I got the book “Big Magic” suggested to me by a friend. Now, two things already going well for this book, I love and trust my friend that suggested it and I genuinely found myself at a point of need. I was at a pretty frustrated point creatively and feeling pretty down about my creative pursuits. I was in my peak reading season, So it felt like an easy decision. The book read me to filth, spit me out and I felt like I not only knew myself better, I felt an internal confidence.
This is an excellent book if you’re looking for a reminder of finding what’s important in seeking your creative life and really getting tired of imposter syndrome and the feeling that you need to ask permission. Might be a little WOO WOO, you know what I mean if you’re not ready for it. But really impactful if you need it. This book truly showed me that I am a big believer in things that happen for a reason and during the right season. It just takes paying attention.
Now, how can one truly get to a point of gauging the need? To want to asses the in a deep reflection. For me, I just feel it. A slight disturbance of routine, mindset, some sort of need to check in and hit a reset. To get to this point, I sought out the reflection in friends first about falling off my path and how I could get back. If I would have read this at any other point I’m not sure what the effects would’ve been.
Sometimes finding something that truly resonates with you can feel like those mornings you're driving down a long street, and you catch all the green lights. Other times it can feel like a constant stop as each light turns yellow and then red and you come to frequent stops. Sometimes we feel so ready for the green lights, so ready for the destination ahead. Other times we long for the reds, for a slight duration, for a little delay, until we are ready. I think we know ourselves better than we think we do even when we feel out of control. Either way, the destination is reached, you get there and things are okay. The light always changes color, even if it takes a minute.
Thanks for reading as always!
XOXO, Your Little Mama <3